"A caregiver's perspective" - from a reader

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Today I am posting a blog sent in to me from a reader, Cameron Von St James.

I have often said to friends...." I had morphine 5 times a day to help me through my cancer, but my poor husband had to cope with me, the emotional well being of our children and my mom while holding down his job and coping with all the bills and doctors.

Here is a valuable article written from that perspective...enjoy!

Thank you Cameron for sharing this with all of us!

 

 

 

 One Caregiver's Perspective of a Cancer Diagnosis

My wife, Heather has said several times that she cannot imagine how I managed to deal with her mesothelioma diagnosis. I spoke with her once about it, but I’d like to share more in the hopes that it might help others currently struggling through cancer.  

Prior to her diagnosis, our first daughter, Lily, was born. We were overjoyed with her birth, but the diagnosis soon after lead to feelings of fear and uncertainty. When the doctor said the word mesothelioma, I looked into my wife’s tear-filled eyes and wondered how we would cope with the diagnosis.

When I heard, I was overwhelmed and had feelings of despair. Then, I heard the doctor’s questions about my wife’s future medical care, and I was brought back to reality. This was the beginning of many days that I would feel overwhelmed, but I still had to help my wife decide the best course of action for her medical care.

 

After her diagnosis I had feelings of rage, fear and anger, and controlling these feelings was a major issue. These bouts of anger were often accompanied by profane language. However, I quickly recognized the need to be a source of strength and stability for my wife and daughter.  I knew that the last thing they needed was to know just how scared I really was. This is why I learned to control my emotions. I succeeded most days. On my weak days, I remembered why I needed to remain strong, optimistic and stable, but it wasn’t always easy.

My to-do list of responsibilities grew immensely following the diagnosis. My tasks ranged from work to travel arrangements for my wife’s medical care, taking care of our home, Lily, our pets; the list seemed endless. I had to prioritize my daily tasks to reduce my feelings of being overwhelmed. I also learned to accept help from the many generous members of our community, friends and family. Their unbelievable outpouring of support helped us understand that we were not alone in this fight.

After Heather’s surgery, there was a two-month period when I could not see her or Lily because they both were in South Dakota with Heather’s parents. Lily had been staying there during the operation, and Heather flew down following the surgery in order to recover and prepare for the next round of mesothelioma treatment: radiation and chemotherapy. I had to remain behind in order to work and take care of our home, and because of this I was able to see my family only once during those long two months.

I drove 11 hours one night on a Friday after work, in the middle of an unexpected snowstorm to see them for the weekend. I was able to sleep for a few hours in my car while the plows cleared the roads, and I arrived, exhausted, on Saturday morning. I spent a day and a half with them before making the 11-hour drive back home to be at work Monday morning.  It was a lot of grueling travel for just a few precious hours with my family, but it was worth every second. My brief separation from my wife and daughter was difficult, but it was necessary given our circumstances.

 

I learned through this ordeal that while many of the decisions we were forced to make were difficult, I had to be able to take comfort in the fact that we were able to make any decisions at all.  Our ability to choose a course of action gave us some sense of control over a situation that oftentimes seemed to dominate our lives.
I am so grateful Heather is alive and healthy six years later, and I hope our story will be a source of hope and inspiration to those currently battling cancer.

 

 

Cameron Von St. James
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliancehttp://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/

 

 

 

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Here's something Funny..2

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Here's something Funny 2:

My husband Craig was away for a short business trip and my mom had flown down from Pretoria to assist while he was away.

My mom cannot drive a stick shift car so Sam, my close friend, drove me to treatment that day.

It seemed to be a lucky day after radiation that morning, as I got off the table, out of the building and into the car without vomiting yet.

Sam was driving, my mom in the back seat behind me and I was in front, in the passenger seat.

Sam had witnessed the result of chemo and radiation but my poor mom was in for a surprise as this was her first day with me and the first "hands on experience" of the after effects.

With my "trusty" lime green bucket tucked safely between my legs and the nausea overwhelming my senses, we made it onto the road before the wretching started.

The problem that day was that I had forgotten to bring my hair clip with me so My hair, all clean and blow waved, was hanging in all it's glory around my face.

As I heaved and projectile vomited into the bucket, a large lock of hair fell into the bucket at the same time.

Sam saw what had happened, I was trying to call to my mom to grab my hair from behind but could not get the words out in-between the wrenching and vomiting .

My poor mom is such a sensitive soul and froze in panic so Sam, while still driving decided to assist in retaining my dignity by lifting the hair out the bucket and attempting to hold it back for me.

By attempting to pull the hair out before it touched the content of the bucket, she probably should have done it gently but....too late!

My lock of hair was soaked and as her hand pulled it back, the spew flicked all over her and the steering wheel.

There was nothing anyone could do, so Sam adopted the most amazing attitude about the situation and putting me at ease about feeling guilty and embarrassed, she proceeded to drive home with herself and the steering wheel in a soggy mess.

At the time we did not find it funny but now it is one off our favorite stories which crack us up every time we tell it.

Sam admits that before her experience with me she could not deal with seeing anyone vomit but....after her experience that day and dealing with it all the way home.... She can now witness all 3 of her kids and the dog vomiting without even flinching.

So you see... Even my friends gained something positive out of a traumatic experience.

I would like to invite you to find your own humorous story and send it to me on sharonvstraaten@gmail.com so that I can publish it on my blog.

Let us spread the laughter and show that we can find a moment of light and laughter in our darkest moments!

Here's Something Funny

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 Here's Something Funny

I have not updated the blog in a while as LIFE was happening and I was loving every minute of it!

It's time to share the excitement !

I was invited to attend a fundraiser for breast cancer and at the function I volunteered my time  to help out where I could.

This lead to an invitation to speak at a fundraiser !

My thoughts were not to speak about the hardship of cancer and the treatment thereof but I wanted to share my thoughts, my fears and ultimately what it took to dig deep and find the courage and determination to fight with everything I had to survive .

While thinking back and writing notes, I was intrigued that I could recount 2 humerous events so vividly that occurred during treatment. I marvelled at the strength of my mind to be able to recall the positive and happy thoughts and after only 18 months was shutting out the dark moments and the trauma associated with the treatment of chemo and radiation.

So I decided to share those with you today to show you that there is always something good to come out of any traumatic situation.... If you let it!

Story 1:
I wore a full facial and neck mask, moulded and set into every crevice of my face, clipped onto a board for radiation treatment, every day Mon-Fri for 3 months.

As I said in my previous blog.... I had to find my happy place and go there every day during this treatment or claustrophobia could have just been ONEmore thing to worry about.

It was my last day of radiation treatment and I had been counting down the days.

It was the longest treatment...or so it seemed... Possibly because I could not wait to take the mask off for the final time.

The moment arrived and the."monster machine" stopped turning and ground to a very noisy halt.

The hard wooden bed slid slowly forward into the open and stopped with a jolt.

My heart was racing as I heard the footsteps of the nurse stop next to me and felt the release of pressure against my face as the 4 clips clicked open.

FREEDOM!

I jumped off the bed, feeling the nausea already rising from the pit of my stomach  and headed for the door.

Just before reaching it, the nurse called out...."Mrs. Van Straaten....would you like to keep your mask as a SOUVENIR "....

WHAT?.......was she kidding me?

All I could imagine was bringing this thing out at dinner parties?...How to kill the party

I did not even bother answering her as I ran for the door before loosing the content of my stomach into my trusty lime green bucket tucked under my arm.













2nd Story: